you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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