Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
