so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
