I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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