I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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