..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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