So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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