I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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