so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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