So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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