My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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