can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize