i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
