well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
