Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
