if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
