my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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