Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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