I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
