Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The Olympian is in my bed
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