I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
