Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
