I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize