$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
