Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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