Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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