How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
