I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
