dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
