I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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