You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
