No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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