Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
