i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
