someone threw a dead crab at me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
