his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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