he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
