you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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