I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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