I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
