Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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