At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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