friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
