dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
