i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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