this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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