East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
