those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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