i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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