Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
