11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
