marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
