My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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