woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
