Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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